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  • Writer's picturePrecious Victor Akah



Some people erroneously think that understanding comes with love by default (naturally - without doing anything).

But understanding does not automatically come with love. You can love each other and not understand each other. You can love someone and not understand them. That you love someone does not mean you'll understand him or her if you don't intentionally put in efforts to understand them.

Understanding means being more informed, aware, sensitive, considerate and intuitive with the people we love.

You need to make deliberate and conscious efforts to understand the person you love.

Just because you love him/her doesn't mean you'll understand them if you don't make efforts to understand the kind of person they are: their personality, their likes and dislikes, their vision, goals and aspirations, their love language, what excites them, what they're passionate about in life...

Interestingly, without understanding the person you love, you cannot effectively and successfully communicate and express the love you have for them in the way they'll receive it and appreciate it.

For instance, if you fail to understand that the person you love does not like material gifts as much as they love having the freedom to do whatever they want to do and go wherever they want to go, you'll spend your earnings constantly buying them material gifts, yet their love tank is depleting because you're suffocating them, caging them or highly restricting their movement.

Deliberately take steps to understand the person you're married to or in a relationship with, so that you can better express the unfeigned love you have for them and have them appreciate your love.

Most people are more happy that their spouse or partner understands them, than that they just love them. I mean, what is love without understanding the person you love? If you love someone, it is expected that you should understand them.

The willingness to understand is very important. It is not always easy, but healthy love is strengthened by the willingness to understand. Love without understanding will wilt like flowers without water.

Understand the person you love by listening to them, noticing them, observing them, noting the things they like and dislike, communicating/talking with them to understand what pleases or displeases them, ask to know what their goals, dreams, vision and passion in life is.


~Precious Victor Akah


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